


Left Me Hangin'

by JuliaKun



Category: K-On!
Genre: Angst, F/F, can this be considered as fluff too?, read and you shall find out, wahahahaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 05:11:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4126570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaKun/pseuds/JuliaKun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What exactly are heartbreaks?</p>
<p>A lot of people think that it’s because someone you love said or did something to you that you hate or could easily shatter you.</p>
<p>It could be that. But in my opinion, it’s quite the opposite.</p>
<p>You could also suffer from heartbreak if the person you love said or asked for something you’ve been wanting for them to say or ask for the whole time.</p>
<p>Your heart breaks because you know that you can no longer do what they want.</p>
<p>Whatever it is she wanted me to do, I know it’ll just break my heart either way.</p>
<p>It did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left Me Hangin'

**Author's Note:**

> This is aaaaangssstttt; I warn thee. For Al, my pal who went his merry way to afterlife. Oh and the interludes are Mio's POV (it's the eulogy at the funeral) but the story is in Ritsu's. Have fun reading. Laters, humans.

* * *

_"I met Ritsu... ara... was it kindergarten or elementary? A-anyway, she always made fun of me. We were both equally surprised when I first hit her in the head. That habit stuck somehow. I swear, Ritsu might be a masochist."_

* * *

"What's that?"

My best friend raised up one eyebrow on my other arm, posed like what looked like an arm wrestling stance but on air.

"Don't leave me hangin', Mio."

"Uh... aren't you supposed to say that for hi-fives?"

A goofy grin made its way to my face.

"This is like a hi-five but the underside of our fists will connect instead."

She still looks unfazed.

"I get what you want to do, but what's it for?"

My grin slowly disappeared; my arm is slowly growing tired.

"Does it even need a reason, Mio? If others have hi-fives, pinky swears, or secret handshakes, we'll do this instead."

Slowly, she started raising her hand.

"Aren't those for promises?"

"Yup! And this is to promise to each other that we won't leave each other in high school!"

She bumped the underside of her fist against mine, even if it lacked the enthusiasm I gave, it was still enough to seal a promise.

"We're gonna graduate middle school in a few days, Ritsu. At least grow up a little..."

A small blush on her face tells me that she was relieved with the promise.

"Oh don't worry Mio-chuan~ That was also to promise that I'll keep my eyes only on you~"

I may have regretted that the 'bump on the fist's underside' tradition I wanted between us lasted with only one bump, but I didn't regret it.

_Even if it meant that she'll bump me in the head from that moment on, at least we have something that exists just between the two of us._

* * *

_"Hmmm... yes she is. Ritsu was easily jealous; I'm clingy. Heh, she usually stays around me and drifts others attention away from me. It was the opposite when we were younger, she always wanted people to see me. But in the end, she wants to keep me for herself. I'd say she's selfish. But cute."_

* * *

_Unease._

Mio slightly hums while I tap my pen on the table, something that usually pisses her off when we have our 'study sessions' saying that it's distracting.

I went and did full-out pen tapping on the table, but this still didn't piss Mio off.

The magazine on the ground was a better option than fussing over Mio's unusual behavior.

But as the day carried on, it left me restless.

She shuffled a little in her seat, still humming and working on her homework, not caring if I'm doing mine or not, and reached for her phone.

After a few audible rings in the quiet room, I heard someone pick up from the other side.

_Who's she calling at this time?_

"Hey Nodoka-chan, I was just wondering if you figured this question—"

_Nodoka?_

"Oi Nodoka!" I said loudly for the person from the other side to hear. Mio glanced quickly at me and then turned the other way.

"Huh? Oh yeah... Ritsu's here. Anyway, about that formula-"

_Ouch._

There it is again.

I can't control the fact that this is the first time that Mio and I was put into a different class, but seeing her close to Nodoka make me feel... a little bit jealous.

Mio's phone was back at the desk again and she continued formulas that I haven't seen in my life before.

"Hey hey Mio," she raised her eyebrows, indicating she was listening, but not lifting her eyes from her notes. "Do you and Nodoka always talk on the phone?"

Lost in thought for a while, she put down her pen and leaned back a little.

"Maybe, on a weekly basis, maybe... five times a week? Depends."

_There it is again._

"Eeeh?! But Mio-chuan you call me five times a MONTH." I pouted, slightly hiding my growing jealousy.

"That's because whenever I call you, you always gets me side-tracked." She resumed writing. "And besides, it's not like I can talk to you about homework."

Slightly hurt, I stood up and gave her a confident look.

"I can try if I want to!"

She put down her pen again with a little more force than necessary.

"And that's the problem, Ritsu. You only try if you  _want_ , not when you  _should_."

_How did it come to this?_

"Well, you know what? I'm gonna enjoy doing  _my_  homework at  _my_  house and  _I_  won't even need  _your help_."

_What am I doing?_

I hastily picked up my stuff and stormed away.

It was disappointing that Mio didn't even hold me back.

_Damn this jealousy._

But I was disappointed in myself the most. In the end, I didn't answer a single damn thing on the homework.

When we were set to practice for the culture festival during our usual tea time, Nodoka came and informed us about the auditorium usage form which I completely forgot.

Mio just huffed behind me as if saying ' _see, what did I tell you?_ '.

Later that day, we went to the music store to give Gitta maintenance.

I pried Mio away from the left-handed guitar models, momentarily forgetting our little fight earlier.

But when I pulled her too much, she landed on her butt at the ground, she just stormed off her words ringing in my head.

_"Baka Ritsu."_

The phrase was always said to me every day but this time, I can't shrug off the feeling that it meant something more.  _Something bad._

My pride stood its ground and restrained me in apologizing.

As Yui declined our offer for afternoon tea at the mall, Mio asked if she can come, knowing that Nodoka will tag along with them.

_The familiar clenching at my chest was there._

I hated it.

But it was at lunch the next day that I knew what the fullest potential of my jealousy can be.

"There! End of lunchtime!" Here I was, in front of Mio and Nodoka's desks.

"Ritsu! I'm just getting started to eat-"

"We will also practice during lunch breaks now until the culture festival!"

At first I was confident in taking Mio away from Nodoka.

I'm just not sure what to do when I actually got to the club room.

"Man, I wonder how Mio will make this year's concert fun. She showed her panties last year, so maybe this year she'll wear a short skirt. Or-"

"Aren't we going to practice?!" Mio fumed, seemingly irritated by the sudden reminder of a horrible memory. Well, for her anyway.

"We will."

"Then-"

"Octopus dumplings!"

I jumped and started doing things to her face.

"Huh?!"

"Ponytail!"

_What am I doing?_

"Hey!"

"Braid!"

_Why am I doing this?_

"Cut it out!" I stopped. She sighed in annoyance. "Geez, what's up with you?"

"Oh yeah, I brought a really good horror flick today."

I fished my bag for the said merchandise, in hopes to catch Mio's attention.

"Th-then I'm going back to my homeroom!"

_Ah... there it is again._

"Go ahead." There was an edge in my voice. It sounded so cold. "I'm sorry... that I intruded on your fun lunchtime with Nodoka!"

"I wasn't talking about that!"

"What's going on?" Yui said somewhere from my side.

My mind was suddenly clouded, as if it was tossed in a mist.

"S-shall we have some tea?" Mugi said, in the same direction Yui's voice came from. "Let's do that, okay? I brought delicious tarts today..."

_My head's starting to spin..._

"E-everyone, let's stay friendly and practice..." I adjusted my sight, and saw Azusa, desperately trying to calm the both of us down. Even going as far as putting on cat ears.

_I feel guilty now._

"Well, let's practice." The energy from my voice was drained.

"Yeah, let's." Mio sounded tired too.

"H-hai!"

"One, two!"

We played the opening for Fuwa Fuwa Time, the feeling of tightness in my chest came back again. But this time, accompanied by a slight stinging pain at my side.

"Oh?"

I noticed they stopped playing and everyone was looking at me.

"Ritsu? Hey, it's good that you're not rushing, but aren't you lacking a little power?"  _My eyes feel heavy... Is someone talking to me? Mio?_  "Ritsu? Oi, Ritsu!"

"Ah, sorry... it just doesn't feel right..." I stood up from my seat, my vision shaking once more in the process. "I'll see you after school."

"R-ricchan!"

"Never mind her, Yui."

The feeling still won't go away. It only became worse when I heard that phrase with a different meaning again.

_"Baka Ritsu."_

I was bedridden for the next two days.

_Stupid cold. And I thought idiots can't catch colds?!_

My mind wondered as to why I was so possessive of Mio—wait! NO! I'm not... just... jealous.

_But why am I jealous?_

I'm just afraid that Mio might have another best friend other than me.

I felt something inside my chest twitch, as if saying something else.

Burying myself under the covers, I hoped that this cold will pass sooner.

Few hours passed and I heard the front door opening.

_That's weird. Satoshi usually comes home around 6..._

Familiar footsteps echoed up the stairs and I realized who it was.

"Mio?"

The footsteps came to a sudden stop, and then my door opened.

"Do you have supernatural powers?" she inquired, a little baffled.

"I can tell by your footsteps." I replied nonchalantly.

She sat on the floor next to my bed so I turned to my side so I can look at her.

Suddenly, just having Mio here, I feel like the fever stopped.

"Feeling any better?"

"I still have a little fever."

"No wonder your drumming felt weak."

"And we don't have much time before the school festival..."

Her back pressed against my comforter.

_It feels warm with her here._

"Forget about that and just get better. Everyone's waiting for you."

I buried myself inside the blanket. Guilt suddenly washed over me so hard. I still remember how desperate they were to lighten up the mood at the club room.

"Everyone's not mad at me?

"They're not."

"You?" The uncertainty in my voice reflected what I was feeling. I was scared that Mio's mad at me. It was always like that.

"I'm not. Of course not." She buried herself deeper to the side of my blanket until the point that I can feel her own heat through the blanket. "But..."

Ah... I think this is the part where she'll tell me that what I was doing is wrong.

"What?"

"I miss your drumming. Even if you rush a little, I like your energetic and powerful drumming." I peeked my head out; unable to bear the heat my face gave off when Mio said those words. "Hey, Ritsu! Were you—?"

"I'm all better!"

_I suddenly felt itchy all over._

But a sneeze over-powered my itchiness.

"No, you're not better yet!" She ushered me to lie down my bed once again. "Come on, lie down. You still have a fever."

"Ugh." She knows I hate colds. So she just gave me sympathetic look and a reassuring smile.

_I can't say it didn't work._

"Anyway, I'm going home now."

Alarms rung in my head; I held on to her arm, pleading.

"Stay until I fall asleep. Please Mio!"

She looked hesitant for a moment.

_Please stay._

And she did.

As she sat down beside me, holding my hand, I can't help but feel the fluttering feeling inside me grow, affecting my stomach.

_I want to feel this for a very long time... what is this though?_

I was back at school the next day, happy to see the relieved faces of everyone.

And when I remembered the due of the auditorium usage form, Nodoka helped us in convincing the Student Council President.

Well, I can say that Nodoka isn't as bad as I thought after all.

* * *

_"Ah... this brings back memories. This was the lyrics I wrote for her, but she didn't want them. The baka was always easily flustered. Every romantic thing itches her. Whenever she squirms at the thought, I slowly feel like I understand why Ritsu likes to tease me."_

* * *

I stared up at the ceiling of my bed, rethinking today's events. It was a Sunday and I went out with Mio a bit since Elizabeth needed new strings.

" _Nee Mio, if you were to write a song about the two of us, what kind will it be?" The weather was nice out. Wasn't too cold or too hot; bearable for a winter day._

" _Hm… maybe something more complicated than the light-hearted stuff we sing."_

" _Whaaat? Why? I'm not_ that _complicated, am I?!"_

" _No, that's not what I meant," She chuckled ", I mean, about how we play the instruments."_

" _You lost me." I dead-panned._

" _The bass is just for supporting the guitars', right?"_

" _That's what you told me, yeah." I tried racking my brain on where she's going with this but that effort was futile._

" _And the drums' for making the beat, right?"_

" _Hell yeah!"_

" _So, if I were to write a song about us, it'll be the same, love songs or even about food, but our instruments will have the bigger work, get it?"_

" _Hmm… yeah I think I know what you mean."_

" _And maybe, juuust maybe, I would make you sing a part too."_

" _Oh, hell no." Moving slightly away from Mio and walked a little faster than her, I tried to show my discomfort with the idea._

" _Come on, Ritsu. Ever since we were kids, you hated to sing. Because of that, you made me sing all the time."_

" _You're voice is nicer than mine you know."_

" _Still, I haven't heard yours so I wouldn't know, now would I?"_

" _Ugh…"_

" _And besides, I won't care if your voice is bad. As long as you're the one singing with me, I think it would be perfect."_

Why do I get the feeling that whatever happened today just killed two birds with one stone?

And even though we talked about that, I didn't expect what was in my mailbox the next day.

"W-w-w-what the hell is this?!"

Shocked, I glared at the 'offending' paper now at my table in my room.

"Aneki! I'm still sleeping here!" A sleepy Satoshi shouted from the other room followed by a loud thud. Most likely the first thing he grabbed was thrown to the wall.

"Sorry!"

I turned to the paper in my hands. Earlier, I went out and retrieved the morning newspaper and saw something at our mailbox, addressed to me.

Opening the paper again, I made sure that it I read it correctly.

But I hid it under my pillow.

_Maybe someone just misplaced it._

_It has your name, idiot._

_Oh…_

My thoughts were jumbled the whole day. If it wasn't for Yui, asking us over for hotpot at her house, my mind would've still been at the 'letter' that was hidden underneath my pillow.

"Gomen gomen, I promised that I'd take my little brother out for the movies."

Mio was going to some sea-side and hopefully get some inspiration for lyrics.

_Should I give her that letter? I mean, it could be lyrics-worthy… NO! She won't let me live that one down if she saw it._

The next day, I took it from under the pillow, my eyes never deceiving me as the text stayed the same as I saw it.

I wonder if the letter's right…

Standing up, I made my way to the dresser with a mirror on top of it, and took my headband off.

The mirror reflected me, just without my usual headband. Using a bit of gel, I parted it on one side.

_What could the person that gave the letter mean by my hair? It's… weirder._

"Oi, aneki! Let's go!"

Startled, I hastily put on my headband and made my way downstairs.

A few hours later, after the movie, Satoshi saw a friend of his on the street and parted from me.

' _Now… what am I gonna do?'_

My phone rang. I received a text from Yui.

"…what are these bizarre flavored hotpots?"

Thinking that I have nothing else to do, I asked Yui where she was and strangely, she was at Azusa's. After we found out that Mugi was working at Max Burger's, the three of us went there instead, shocked to see Mugi working.

It wasn't long when Mio came.

"Welcome back."

"I'm home." She lazily slumped in her chair.

"Did you get good lyrics?" A groan came from her. "I guess not."

Seemingly electrocuted back to life, Mio turned to me.

"Ah, Ritsu! Did you see the lyrics I sent you the other day?"

"Lyrics? What lyrics?"

"The one I left in your mailbox."

_The one I left in your mailbox… I left in your mailbox… mailbox…_

I stared at her incredulously.

"T-t-that letter was from y-you?!"

"Well, yeah. I told you I would make a song, didn't I?" I was still huffing at her. "So, what do you think? About the lyrics?"

"No good." I dead-panned, she whined. "It was too… mushy! I felt itchy all over just by thinking about it!"

"But I thought about it really hard!"

"Nope! You're not gonna use those."

She slumped in her chair again. A few minutes later, Mugi was done with her shift.

We went our separate ways home, Mio told me to go ahead since she'll still run some errands.

So in the confine spaces of my room, I held Mio's lyrics in my hands again. I crumpled it half-heartedly and threw it away.

I would never say to Mio that I picked it up, flattened it, and placed it gently inside an old manga and placed it back in the bookshelf. Mio will never let me live it down if she knew I kept it.

The words were on replay in my brain. Strange warmth enveloping me as I recalled the words.

_No matter how cold it is, I'm happy_  
Watching your white breath as you spring into a run  
Your hairstyle really suits you  
But I want to see how you look with your bangs down.

Needless to say, I fell asleep with a warm blush on my face.

* * *

_"That time was unforgettable! But Ritsu never told me why Mugi wanted me to hit her. I never inquired, knowing Mugi...I think I got a good gist of the reason."_

* * *

 

Currently, everyone in the club room was stunned. Mio just unleashed a waterfall of tears. No sobs, no sniffles, just pure tears.

Mugi came to me the other day and asked me to hit her. Of course, I didn't find a reason why I should so instead, I taught her how to piss Mio off in order to get hit.

I suggested the idea but I didn't imagine that Mio will break down just because Mugi stole the strawberry on top of her strawberry cake.

"Are you alright, Mio-senpai?" Azusa was now worried. Yui was even smart enough not to bring up her usual airhead comments.

"I-i'm sorry Mio-chan!" Mugi was bowing deeply and a string of apologies escaped her mouth.

After a while, everything seemed to calm down, and so did Mio.

Although, asking Mio directly for a hit didn't work out too, Mugi still seemed to be happy.

"Say, Mugi." We stopped walking, a gentle breeze. "Why'd you wanna get hit in the first place?"

Mugi smiled at me and said; "It's because I envy you two, Mio-chan and Ricchan. Even if she always hits you, you have two this bond that I'm jealous of." I felt proud. Maybe I should boast about this to Mio later. "And Ricchan, you're always taking care of Mio-chan even if you tease her. If you were a boy, I'm sure you would be popular with the girls."

In the end, Mugi got the hit she wanted.

I wonder if what she said was true though.

_If I was a guy… would Mio l-like me?_

* * *

_"Ah, I knew. Ritsu was acting different yet the same. In the end, I knew I was in the same boat. The feelings were mutual, we just never said it out loud."_

* * *

 

Yui and I were walking around the school grounds, Mio and Mugi were called by Sawa-chan so it was just the two of us. Graduation's tomorrow and soon, we're all off to college.

But something was different with Yui today, she was… somewhat having a mature aura with her, something… really unusual. I even had to make sure that she was Yui and not Ui by waving cake in front of her.

"Nee, nee Ricchan."

I was a little bothered by how serious Yui sounded. It wasn't everyday that we're left alone together. Instances like this are rare since she's always with Azusa.

"Hmm?"

"You know… I like Azusa—"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!"

I released a fake exasperated sigh, clenching my fists and trapped my friend in a head-lock.

"E-eh? Was I obvious?"

"Of course you were, baka." I dead-panned, barely holding in a fit of laughter.

"S-so… what do you think…?"

"Whacha mean?"

"I don't know… do you want us to be together?"

"Well, duh! What's greater than seeing two of your best friends to get together, huh?!"

"That was where I was going at. Ricchan, I'll tell Azusa tomorrow."

"Seriously? We have a live that day. I think we've already broke her heart by graduating, maybe that'll make it worse."

"Nope! I'm sure it won't! And even if it does, I'll be by Azu-nyan's side to comfort her."

"How'll you do it?"

"Simple," she skipped a few steps ahead of me. ", I'll stay by her side the whole time and let her know she's not alone. It's better to know you're not alone than fight loneliness alone right?"

I stared at her, feigning disbelief.

Every word she just said, I understood it.

It was obvious.

But then I remembered as the last day of our senior year in high school closed down on us, we made a last minute decision to have a live gig at our classroom.

_That's when Yui laid down her feelings for Azusa but didn't really tell her verbally. Kinda like an indirect confession?_

At first, only us, seniors, were thinking of doing it but when we spilled the plan to Azusa, she was all fired up.

And as Yui sang the instrumental part of the song , U & I, she was staring at Azusa the whole time.

_Will these feelings reach you?_  
I'm not so sure  
But please don't laugh and listen to me  
I'm going to put my feelings into this song

I saw it. The way her eyes conveyed every emotion she felt, and the way Azusa slowly accepted it.

But Azusa glanced away; probably unable to take all of the emotion Yui practically gave to her.

Yui jumped from our make-shift stage. Maybe she thought that Azusa staring away was a rejection.

But Yui was Yui; she's persistent. Even at the bottom, she still gave that look to Azusa.

After a while though, Azusa was smiling. A happy and contented smile directed to Yui.

Seeing an interaction like that happen between the two of my best friends makes me think that I could be like that someday with someone too.

_Is it wrong for me to wish that Mio was that someone?_

* * *

_"Most of the time, she's my alarm. She wakes up early all the time because of body clock but falls asleep right after she texts me. Huh? Oh, she just complains about how she doesn't want to go to school. I'll wrestle her out of her bed when I go to her house, we live pretty close to each other."_

* * *

 

I took pain killers.

But after a few hours, the effect is always over-powered by a fresh wave of stinging pain.

The college has dorms and even though I want to share a room with Mio, I told her that it wasn't practical. The dorm room I chose was near my building, which meant the other side of the university for her to walk to every day.

After a lot of will power, I convinced her to stay at the dorms near her building.

It wasn't only that.

I wanted to keep Mio away from me as far as possible.

_Ulterior motive._

Bedside table full of pain killers and sounds of pain always muffled by a pillow? I don't want Mio to see any of that.

I've always kept a low-profile about it. I know something's wrong with my health for some time now but I haven't gathered the courage to up and go see a doctor.

But on one fateful night, the pain became too much for me to bear.

My room-mate understood; she knew I was suffering the first time she saw pills spilled on my floor while I was clutching my sides.

Many times she insisted I ask a doctor but I dismissed them as 'menstrual cramps'.

"It's happening almost every damn week, Tainaka. You think I'll fall for that?"

So after the second semester of my freshman year, I moved out of the dorms.

* * *

_"I was surprised. I knew she didn't like the dorms but when she moved out, I wanted to move out too, you know... make sure she's well. Her morning messages to me still continued. But when she moved out... I barely hung-out with her. I thought she wasn't eating properly, she was paler every time I saw her._

* * *

 

Today was tiring as hell.

A dull thud echoed through my ears as I plopped down on my twin-sized bed.

Ever since I moved out of the dorms to live alone in an apartment, everything seemed more… small, almost self-centered.

The silence was deafening. It was the kind of silence that filled the air I breathe, spreading its ominous feeling inside me, making my insides churn.

With the silence, it almost felt like I can hear my own heart; my own self slowly being consumed by pain.

In an attempt to escape the silence, I stood up and grabbed a cassette player, the one we used to record all of HTT's songs back in high school.

The only tape played, nostalgia spreading around my room like wild fire.

Azusa was in the same university as us. She was determined to continue the Light Music Club even though we were in college.

But as a result, we formed a band instead. Apparently, clubs don't work in college but as a legit band works too.

Ui and Jun, Yui's sister and soon-to-be-sister-in-law, transferred here as well.

In a way, it felt like we haven't left high school at all.

The familiar beep of my phone fought against the lively tones of our early songs, someone texted me.

It was Mio, asking me where I've been.

I ditched her the whole day since I was busy. I didn't even get to attend school today.

But as I was reminiscing, my ear picked up a familiar tune from the cassette.

I locked my phone, my ears suddenly straining to hear the song from the other side of my room a little clearer.

And as the familiar bass line of Samidare 20 Love echoed within my lonely apartment walls, I felt my heart clench at the song.

Her voice was everywhere.

It wasn't until I noticed the unfamiliar stinging in my eyes that I knew that it was too late now.

" _Tainaka-san! Why didn't you tried to contact a hospital sooner?! First I saw you lying on your apartment door, and now, the doctor told me that you had Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer!"_

" _G-gomen ne, oyajii. I thought it was nothing…"_

" _Nothing?! Hell, if I know, you must've been enduring it all this time, playing it off as nothing!"_

" _I-it didn't hurt until last night! I promise…"_

" _Geez… you're seriously a troublesome girl, you know that? What'll I say to your old man now?"_

"… _I'll visit them during the weekend. I want to tell them personally…"_

" _Don't put too much strain on your body. Why not contact Akiyama-chan to help you?"_

" _Nah… she'll have her finals soon, I don't wanna bother her with something as troublesome as this."_

" _How about your other friends? Will you tell them?"_

" _Maybe…" I sighed in defeat. "I'll tell them when I get better."_

Three years. I survived college for three years while neglecting this… this  _thing._

A stray tear escaped my eye.

"Damn it…"

Choked sobs and pained whines remained unheard as they echo against my lonely apartment walls.

* * *

_"I don't hold a grudge to her. I knew she had a reason why she kept it from me, and I think I need to respect that. Knowing that she was fighting all alone... I couldn't bear it."_

* * *

"Ah… looks like I won't make it after all…"

" _So… you're saying that, I have more or less a week left?"_

" _We're really sorry about that, Ritsu-san. But when you found out about it, your cancer was in its worst state." The doctor remarked. "And the fact that you neglected its symptoms all this time only made it worse."_

A week after I learnt that I had cancer; I quitted school, was confined in a hospital 24/7, and the time I would be breathing my last breath is growing inevitably closer.

"Come on, nee-chan." Satoshi tugged at the edge of my sleeve, his eyes red from crying. "We'll go to the U.S. and you'll be better, okay?"

That weekend I broke the news to my family, all I've seen ever since was them either crying or forcing a smile.

It felt so bad that I was the one that made them feel that way.

_I feel so bad for being the weak one when I'm supposed to pull my family together._

"When's… the flight again…?" My voice was raspy, it was weak. I hardly recognize it at all.

"Later. 9 pm tonight." He bowed his head, as I caught a few stray tears escape his eye. "T-then, you'll get operated at 7 pm the day after tomorrow. After that, you'll be better again, so don't you dare give up now, nee-chan!"

Finally, he gave me his usual grin after a week of crying.

I won't let my little brother down.

This is my last chance, I need to tell them.

"Satoshi… can you get my phone for me?"

He left after he saw the numbers I dialed in for a conference call.

_It was now or never._

"R-ritsu?!"  _Mugi._

"Ricchan~!"  _Yui._

"Ritsu…senpai…?"  _Azusa._

"H-hey guys…"

"Ritsu, why haven't we seen you around the campus? We've been so worried about you." Mugi's voice still had that motherly aura; I'm going to miss that.

"I heard you haven't shown up in your classes, Ritsu-senpai. What happened?"

"Well—"

"Yeah yeah Ricchan! Rumors said that you dropped out too! Mio-chan is getting worried."

_Damn._

"Speaking of Mio-senpai, why can't I hear her voice? Is she not in this call?"

"Y-yeah… about that…" My voice was almost another gasp. They would definitely ask about that.

"Ritsu, what happened to your voice?"

"A-actually… I'm at a hospital... please, guys, forgive me and do me a favor." I glanced outside of my window, admiring as the sakura leaves as they danced around the early summer air. " _Don't let Mio know about this."_

_Suddenly, knowing that there's a number on how long I'll live made everything more pitiful._

* * *

_"It was Satoshi who told me. I already got a bad feeling about it though. A few days before Satoshi's call, Ritsu texted me in the morning. It's been weeks since I last got a lazy morning message from her and when I read it, it was still the same message yet there was something lingering behind it. Like Ritsu really can't go to school at all. I panicked."_

* * *

 

"So… you told her, huh?"

"G-gomen ne, nee-chan."

My fists clenched the pure white sheets my limp body was rested on. Wherever I am, America or Japan, the hospitals are still the same.

Still the same expression written all over people's faces, still the same aura that death was near.

I unclenched my fists. I was mad at Satoshi for telling her without me knowing but I was madder at myself. I knew my days were numbered yet I wasted them while hiding behind a tough façade, pretending that everything will be alright when I know it's too late.

And pouring my anger to the innocent bed sheet won't help either.

"Nah, don't worry about it."

"Why did you keep it from Mio-neechan, though?"

_Why… honestly, I don't know myself either._

"I know her too well, Satoshi. And I knew that she'll do something stupid about it."

"Something… stupid?"

"Like this."

I tossed my phone to Satoshi. As his eyes traveled and read a message, his reaction turned into a panic.

"I-I'm seriously sorry, nee-chan!"

"If I don't make it, take care of her for me, will ya?"

"Stop saying things like that, nee-chan…"

"My operations in a few hours and I'm still jet-lagged. Can you leave me, Satoshi? I want to sleep a little."

He nodded in understanding, leaving me with silence.

I looked outside of my window. It was unsettling to see pine trees instead of sakura outside. Just the thought makes me a little… homesick.

My eyes fluttered close, her message repeating in my head as guilt slowly lulled me to sleep.

_From: Mio-chuan~ <3_

_Time: 10:11 am_

_Subject: BAKA RITSU!_

_Baka! Why didn't you tell me sooner?! I'm seriously gonna pound your head real good for that! I'm now the next flight, so don't you dare leave me. I'll call you once I land, so hold on just a little longer, okay? Stay with me, Ritsu. Please don't leave me._

* * *

 

"… _we'll make it to Budokan…"_

I woke up to a hearing everything in a frantic noise. My heart rate monitor was beeping loudly and unstable.

There was a feeling that I had a dream… maybe a distant memory? I can't remember.

Another frantic noise was coming from my phone, accompanied by its vibrations.

The sky was dark with cold grey clouds. The colors vaguely making me remember Mio.

_Seems like a storm is brewing._

My attention was pulled back to my phone and I answered it in haste.

"Ritsu! Thank god you answered me."

"Hey…"

"I'm at a taxi right now, okay? I'll be there in a f-few minutes, okay? Try to hold on a little longer for me, o-okay?" Her voice was tired. I can imagine a haggard face of none other than Akiyama Mio panting as she sat in the back seat of a yellow cab. And she probably only brought a small bag, not caring to get any clothes whatsoever.

There are a few times when Mio became so impulsive.

"Mio-chuan… I feel so sleepy now. Can I sleep for a little while?"

"No! Don't! At least… let me sing a lullaby to you when I get there, okay?"

"H-hurry… I'm feeling really, really… sleepy now."

"H-hey, Ritsu. R-remember when w-we were graduating middle school? The time I started hitting you in the head?"

"Heh… I called you 'My Dangerous Queen' after that, too. I c-can't forget a-about it…"

"Yeah… you did something with our fists, right?"

"It… it was soon replaced by… your whacks though…"

"We're gonna do it properly this time, okay? Make sure to get ready when I get there."

"F-finally…"

A silence followed. It was a silence created by someone who'll be soon picked up by death and by someone trying to bring that person back.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier, Ritsu?"

It was more of a statement rather than a question.

"Because I knew you'd do something like this. You still have your finals. Something like this w-would've bother your studies…"

"You're not… if you only told me sooner, I would've been there by your side all this time!"

"S-sorry…"

_**I don't think I can say anything besides an apology now.** _

"If I were there with you, you wouldn't have to go through this alone…"

"Mio, I'm sorry—"

"It would've been better to have someone by your side when it all ends, don't you think? So why… why did you want to be alone?" She's crying by now.

_**Mio… it's embarrassing to cry in public, you know?** _

"Because… being alone is much better than seeing s-someone you love suffer while seeing you die every day."

"A-and you told me I was the cheesy one…" At least, even in the last moments, I made her laugh. Even if it's just a little.

_**Ah, please don't laugh. It makes me feel bad for not leaving even a silly letter behind.** _

"Hey, Mio… my hands are getting tired…"

"R-ritsu? I'm almost there. I'm running the stairs now! We're still gonna do that bump remember? I'm still gonna sing you a lullaby, right?! Ritsu!"

" _Don't leave me hangin', Mio."_

My grin slowly disappeared, my raised arm slowly growing tired.

_**What exactly are heartbreaks?** _

I felt a sharp pain at my sides, my heart rate slowly losing its life. And as my eyes fluttered to a close, I caught sight of my best friend.

_**A lot of people think that it's because someone you love said or did something to you that you hate or could easily shatter you.** _

She quickly caught my falling arm, nuzzling my palm to her cheek.

_**It could be that. But in my opinion, it's quite the opposite.** _

_So warm… she's so warm…_

_**You could also suffer from heartbreak if the person you love said or asked for something you've been wanting for them to say or ask for the whole time.** _

"I'm here now, Ritsu… please, don't leave me. I just came here, don't leave me…"

_**Your heart breaks because you know that you can no longer do what they want.** _

"What do you want me to do, Mio?"

_**Whatever it is she wanted me to do, I know it'll just break my heart either way.** _

"Don't leave me and promise to stay with me forever. I love you, Ritsu."

_**It did.** _

 


End file.
